At the peak of my WoW addiction the guild I ran with was full of very creative fellows. I’m not sure when it began but someone wrote up one of our weekly encounters into a nice little prose narrative. Soon whenever there was a particularly memorable encounter someone from the guild would write it down. The humor doesn’t translate well outside of the guild, but I’m sure any player could commiserate with the experiences. With that in mind I felt I would share one of the pieces I wrote after one of our early attempts at a Strat run. I came across this while trying to figure out an easier way of bestowing the torture I call editing upon my dearest. Punctuation has always been my bane and she manages to coral my commas into a somewhat cohesive semblance. Though she’ll likely tell you there’s really no hope for me.
Sweat trickled down the Troll’s brow even in the chill air of the Stratholme night. Kahz could see the effects of the frantic pace taking their toll on the two Taurens, Jaetill and Holottabull, as well. Yihzi and Beetlegeuse were drinking their fill of conjured water to replenish their mana before this last push. Baron Rivendare’s voice boomed out into the night with words of challenge to the infidels who dared to enter in to his domain. The party looked at one another knowing their time was running short to free Ysida from the undead Baron’s clutches. As if to punctuate the urgency of their quest a female shriek rent the still night. Yihzi scrambled to his feet and urged the party forward under the last portcullis leading to the keeps’ courtyard. Here they would face the undead so abhorrent to the Forsaken freed of that curse as well as the Druid and Shaman.The two Taurens were so attuned to the life force of Azeroth that they could feel the wound inflicted on the very earth buy this plagued land.
Jaetill shifted into his bear form in a vortex of magic as the party rushed into tunnel leading into the courtyard. The giant metal portcullis crashed to the ground behind them cutting off any chance of retreat. Holottabull began casting totems about the confined area as Kahz sprinted toward the courtyard. There milling about were scores of abominations, they would have to down them all to reach the fiend now only a short distance away locked in his keep. With quick aim Kahz loosed an arrow at the closest monstrosity, the brute roared in pain and charged at the hunter. The fight was on as Jaetill savagely lept at the abomination in a flurry of claws and teeth. Beetlegeuse rained fire as foe after foe was led to their demise at hands of the small band of adventurers.
“We’re running short of time!” grated Beetlegeuse in a dry dusty voice. “We need to pull them faster!”
“Understood,” growled Kahz panting with exertion as he ran after the few remaining monsters.
In moments the last of the abominations was downed and the doors to the Baron’s crypt opened and the reek of decay brought forth Rammstein. The foul guardian roared and charged at Jaetill, his Tauren brethren rushing to his side swinging his great hammer at the monster. There was no respite once they felled the beast though as the courtyard began to fill with zombies, skeletons and creatures best left unnamed.
“Bring them too me!” cried Beetlegeuse.
Jaetill obliged drawing the attention of the scourge host with a great beastial roar. As the mob of bone and decayed flesh piled onto the druid Beetlegeuse began casting. Calling ice to root the creatures in place and then opening the heavens with a rain of fire that burnt the minions to ash. The door to the crypt was opened once more to reveal the elite skeleton gaurd that served as the last line of defense.
“Get a frost trap down Kahz,” called Yihzi “I will shackle one in the back and mark your targets.”
The band scrambled to take their positions. Kahz set down a trap to freeze one of the skeleton champions and loosed an arrow to peel his target away from the group. Jaetill and Holottabull crashed into the main force head one with a bone jarring crunch as Yihzi began to magically summon arcane symbols that danced in the air above the target of their combined wrath. It didn’t take long for the band to wipe out the champions, but time was against them.
“Drink Quickly” cracked Yihzi.
The party quickly set about preparing for this final battle, replenishing their mana, and swallowing potions of protection. Ysida’s cries were reaching a crescendo and the party surged into the crypt before it was too late. The Baron sat astride his ghostly mount with his runeblade poised for the final stroke that would end Ysida’s suffering.
“Are you ready?” Jaetill called out uncertainly.
“GO!” shouted his comrades almost as one.
Gone was the form of the Tauren druid and instead a great bear charged from a swirl of magical auras. Collectively the four other members began their assault on the Baron. The two Taurens knocking the Baron of his guard and diverting his blade. Rivendare snarled hearing the crackle of fiery magic that Beetlegeuse was summoning and spurred his steed in a charged at the undefended mage.
“He’s on me!” yelled the mage. “Jae get him off me!”
The druid raked the hind quarters of the the fel steed causing the mount and rider to turn their attention back to Jaetill. The Baron summoned up a host of skeleton defenders from the bone piles of would be heroes. Yihzi quickly through a flask of holy water destroying the minions and searing the Baron. Rivendare poured out his fury on Jaetill who could withstand the assault no more. The great bear roared it’s death cry as the baron once again summoned more skeletal minions. This time they turned on the priest who was rapidly overwhelmed. Kahz was able to wipe them out with a well thrown stick of dynamite but too late as their healer fell. The remaining party members redoubled their onslaught with the Baron nearly defeated. Beetlegeuse was the next to fall victim as the Baron scythed through the mage with his wicked runeblade. Holottabull valiantly fended off blows as the Baron turned his fury on the Shaman. Kahz whispered a prayer over his arrows as he sent them speeding toward the fiend. Whether from a final blow from the Shamans great hammer or a wickedly honed arrow, Rivendare cried out in defeat and collapsed to the floor.
The heroes in a daze set about trying to restore their fallen comrades. Holottabull replenished the mana he would need to resurrect while Kahz readied his Goblin Jumper cables. With an electrical jolt Yihzi was returned from the beyond as Holottabull summoned Jaetill’s spirit back to the mortal plane. Beetlegeuse was resurrected shortly thereafter and the beleaguered heroes rejoiced at their good fortune. Rivendare was defeated, Ysida was rescued…
“What’s the deal with the lady?” asked Holottabull.
“You mean you didn’t have the quest?” replied the druid.
“Aw man.”
